11 things

This is an 11 point journal which I discovered in spot's journal who stole it from imperfect , of which the concept originated with caveatLECTOR, and was then employed by kaujot

That was a mouthful in itself.  If anything I'm doing this for the therapeutic benefits of it.  I won't explain any of it if you ask me, you just get to make up your own situations I suppose, so why do it online? Because I can, because it sets it free, more so than my paper journal sitting beside my bed, it lets the thoughts out.


The rules:

* List 11 things you want to say to 11 different people.

* Don't say who they pertain to.

* Feel free to comment, but don't confirm or answer anything.

* Never discuss it again.


1) You are an incredible woman and I know you don't always see the amazing sides of you that I do.  I think you have assumed you are to blame for things that were not under your control.  Please know I love and admire you and I don't blame you at all. In fact, I thank you for helping me be the woman I am.

2) Thank you for being a friend.  For not judging me, for standing by me, supporting me and most importantly loving me when I needed it the most.  You're a talented artist and a blast to be around.  I only hope you know how loved and respected you are in return and how happy I am to see you finally getting the things you deserve.

3) We have moments where I think we're speaking different languages and your excitement seems to override your logic but in the end we seem to find a way to translate eachothers  thoughts and make great things happen.  I have a great admiration for you and wish others were able to see that glimmer as well.  

4) Wow.  I've been enamoured with your work since the day I joined deviantART  and I idolized you from afar.  Who knew we'd become such close friends. Who knew we'd come to find out about eachother's shadow's and demons.  Who knew they'd be so similar.  Thank you for everything.

5) I guess there's nothing else left to say, you've said everything I believe you intend to.  I'm taken aback by your words, your comments and your accusations that I've not been honest, that things came out of nowhere.  I took it, I apologized, I thought I made an effort but it wasn't enough, it didn't ever seem to be.  I think back on the conversations and I did tell you, in so many ways, over and over, I don't think you wanted to hear me.  It's ok most people didn't, I guess I just expected different and to say I'm disappointed would be an understatement.  However, I think it's the situation I'm disappointed in.. no I guess it's some of you too.  I don't think friendship should be this much of an exercise, some things are just supposed to be a given.  I still love you, I always will and if you called me tomorrow because you needed something I would be there but this constant struggle for acceptance I can't continue.  It's killing me.  I can't jump through anymore hoops for you or anyone else and I'm sorry.

6) I know what you wanted, I wasn't it.  It isn't possible for me to ever be.  However I'm slowly learning that you were the one that was wrong, not me, and I'm better than you ever could have imagined.

7) We've been apart more than we've been together sometimes but over the countless years, we're constant and I love you for that.  That, and how incredibly tangent and flippant you are 

8) I love you, thank you for everything.

9) I don't even know what to say to you anymore, I've said everything so many times I'm tired of hearing myself speak.  I have to resolve to complete this and it's not to continue hurting you but to continue healing me, I don't expect you to ever understand that.  I'm sorry.

10) You are one of the most beautiful women I know and I'd fall in love with you in a heartbeat Thank you for your friendship, your shoulder and your sense of humor.

11) I don't know what to do when you don't recognize me anymore.